Welcome to Anna Maygirl's World
Hi everyone. My name is Anna and I am a May Queen. May, because the month of May is the season in which I feel the pull of femininity more than any other time of the year, and Queen, well, that should be obvious. I call myself Anna Maygirl, since it feels more modest and girlish. I am a shy little transvestite.
I am gathering my thoughts here to help me to understand what I am, and to help me to accept what I am. I also hope that my story and my thoughts may help other transvestites to understand themselves and to accept themselves. There is a lot to understand and a lot to learn to accept. But understanding makes life easier. I also hope that some straight people may read this and discover that we transvestites are not just mindless perverts, but every bit as sensitive and human as the rest of you. If I can convince any transphobe (Putin, for instance?) to accept us for what we are and treat us as equal human beings, I will feel content.
I have read various biographical and scientific descriptions of transgenderism. I recognize myself in part, but not entirely. Perhaps it is because I still do not understand how I tick, or perhaps it is because the world of transgenderism is so much more complex than we might think. I guess the description which comes closest is perhaps "crossdreamer" (although I still do not know exactly what this entails, nor do I know exactly what I am). Hence this self-exploration. I will attempt to summarize my thoughts and dreams here, and perhaps this will help me to find an explanation. Or perhaps another transvestite somewhere else may read these lines and fill in the missing bits in her picture of herself. Together perhaps we can contribute to building a society where we and our kind have a natural place, or at least to understand our place in the society in which we are living.
Perhaps it is against our nature to have a natural place in society. I am not sure that my innermost dreams deal with acceptance (or is it just that I do not dare to wish for acceptance?). A world in which a transvestite is accepted are a natural gender category would be a safe and comfortable place for us to live in. But is that what we want? Somewhere inside, I feel it is the exhilarating balance between male and female, between the pleasure of dressing as a woman and the fear of the humiliation of being discovered, that is the true essence of the beauty of transvestism. Without the risk of humiliation, transvestism would perhaps lose some of its magic, at least in my eyes.
For me, beauty lies in the delicate balance.